After my first month of Bikram Yoga, I likened the practice to what I imagine childbirth to be: torture for longer than one could ever imagine, followed by divine bliss, followed by an inexplicable urge to do it all over again. Most anyone who’s heard of Bikram Yoga is fully aware of its rather controversial nature. I suspect this is mostly built on a brilliant mixed cocktail of extreme heat, notoriously rigid teaching, and a creator who is the exact opposite of the flower child most would expect to be behind any form of yoga.

Even after a few years in this practice, I can’t help but sometimes chuckle to myself, fully aware of how bizarre it is to be completely dedicated to something that knocks me down and leaves me for dead almost daily. More often than not, I suspect the majority of the motivation comes from the comaraderie that magically blossoms between me and any person who’s ever experienced a Bikram Yoga class. Be it over lunch, class, Facebook, email, or Twitter, we all form this invisible bond, and like a spider’s web, and we drag that string with us until we touch and inspire another to do a class, weaving a beautiful net all the while.

So as a tribute to this special club, I bring you a pleasant little quiz to see if you, my friend, have been touched by this infectious web of Bikram Fever:

QUIZ…
1. You have your studio’s schedule memorized (10 pts)
2. You called 911 the last time someone walked into the hot room with their street shoes on (50 pts)
3. You no longer wear body lotion because it messes up your grip (15 pts)
4. You cut your hair off so the bun doesn’t get in the way during savasana (50 pts)
5. The sight of ass, crotch, and armpit hair of complete strangers no longer skeeves you out. (75 pts)
6. You’ve given your last dime for a bottle of coconut water after class (25 pts)
7. You come early to reserve “your spot” in the room (5 pts)
8. You’ve considered crying when you’re too late and the studio door is locked (15 pts)
9. Your children/significant others are bewildered to see you home on a Saturday morning (30 pts)
10. Shakti Activewear is now a monthly bill recipient. (10 pts)
11. A 67 year old in a bikini barely warrants a double-take (45 pts)
12. Your partner suspects you’ve lost your marbles, but doesn’t object because
a) your drive is ridiculously high (30 points)
b) your butt is so tight you can bounce a quarter off of it (10 points)
13. You have a love/resent relationship with your teachers: love them after class, resent them during (5 pts)
14. You don’t recognize any of your classmates fully clothed. (40 pts)
15. Your non-yoga friends and family staged an intervention. It didn’t work. (60 pts)
16. You now drink water in liters, and scoff at any container that holds less than 64 oz. (20 pts)
17. Even during the apocalypse, if you nail Standing Bow for the full minute, all is right with the world (5 pts)
18. You freeze in any environment that’s less than 80 degrees (10 pts)
19. You are thoroughly convinced that a Bikram yoga class can cure any ill, including (but not limited to) the following:
- a pimple (20 pts)
- The War on Drugs (60 pts)
- myocardial infarction (20 pts)
- a severed head (105 pts)
20. Sanskrit no longer sounds foreign (30 pts)
21. Getting stuck in the crack of the mirror can put you in a bad mood for a week if you let it (20 pts)
22. You’re fully unaware of your weight or size – only of your capacity to hold Standing Head to Knee (20 pts)
23. You wouldn’t notice if Dr. Dre were practicing next to you. All you see is yourself in the mirror (35 pts)
24. Going commando is not exactly an isolated event (60 pts)
25. You’ve fully considered making out with your water bottle after class (35 pts)

0-50 points:
You’re a newbie who’s deciding whether they can’t stand the practice, or love it beyond words. Keep at it and retake the quiz in a month.

55-200 points:
You are starting to “get it”, but aren’t sure you want to. Go home, guzzle a bottle of “Type A Personality” then retake the quiz as soon as possible.

205-500 points:
You’re headed toward the light. You’re totally on the edge. You’re secretly starting a savings account for Bikram Yoga Teacher Training.

500 points and over:
You are officially part of the cult. Don’t fight it, baby, embrace it. The only thing left to do is infect others around you with the fever.

*Credits for these photos goes to the magnificent Mechelle Lavelle, a truly amazing photographer and fellow Bikram Yogi. Here’s a link to her website if you want to check out more of her work: www.bryantlavelle.com

Your Healthiest Life: This quiz was meant to entertain and bring light to the tiny things that set Bikram Yoga apart from other forms of yoga and exercise. I focused mainly on surface stuff just for a few laughs, but there are myriad of benefits to forming a steady Bikram Yoga practice that range from health, to emotional and spiritual depending on what it is you’re needing in your life. I definitely recommend checking out a studio in your city if you haven’t done so yet. Here’s a link to help you find the certified Bikram studios in your area: Bikram Yoga Studios
Most studios have excellent deals for newbies – like $20 or $30 for an entire week of unlimited class. If your wallet isn’t super fat these days, consider buying a book or tape that helps walk you through all of the postures so you can start a home practice.

ANNOUNCEMENT: I’d love it if you could take 1 second to vote for me to be on the cover of Yoga Journal Magazine. They’re having a contest over the next 2 weeks, and I’d be delighted to get your support. Here goes:

Yoga Journal Contest

QUESTION: Do you have a form of exercise that has funny little nuances that set it apart from anything else? If you’ve taken Bikram Yoga at least once in this lifetime, how did you score on this quiz?