As a recently crowned stepmother, I’ve found very little fanfare in my new role. Somehow I thought that as soon as I became one, I would be blessed with new knowledge and information that would make me intuitively and indefinitely good at my new title. So far I’ve not had such luck.

If anyone asked me, I would think a memorandum would be appropriate; a proper letter sent out to all new stepmothers to help brace them for the road ahead and feel a little less like a mix between Goldie Hawn from Overboard and Julia Roberts from Stepmom. Since no one is taking the reins on this, I’m going to initiate my own memo for all new stepmothers…effective immediately:

MEMO TO ALL NEW STEPMOMS

1- No one will tell you this, but never show up to your stepdaughter’s bus stop wearing Uggs, earbuds, and big sunglasses. The other parents will immediately assume you are kidnapping their children’s schoolmate, as evidenced by posing every question short of “May I see some ID?”. In addition, your stepdaughter’s schoolmates will inquire loudly if you are her babysitter as she exits the bus. It may be kind of a bad day for you.

2 – You will not always be able to remember your stepchildren’s birthdays, shoe sizes, address, home phone number and other vital information. This translates to bracing yourself for mean glares from other parents who look on in disbelief as you ask little Bobby what size pants he wears in the checkout line at Target, or when Susie’s birthday was while dropping her off at school (because hello? you can barely remember your own). This will be embarrassing at first, but if you have a twisted sense of humor (which would be imperative to develop at this point), then it will quickly become a prime source of entertainment.

3 – Your sense of fashion will face the ultimate challenge – and it may not win this time. Because one day when you’re finished making Saturday morning pancakes and the dog desperately needs to be walked and you haven’t even had time to breathe, you will walk out of your front door looking a hot, steaming mess. Complete with dried pancake batter on your sweatshirt, morning mouth, and a frizzy bunnytail (bun/ponytail) bobbing from your head. This is the moment you realize that there are more important things in life than always looking put together.

4 – Headbands, stickers, scrabble letters, and chess pieces will turn up everywhere, but you will never again be able to find the top to the toothpaste. Get over it now and life will be easier.

5 – You will start to see your family forming when you least expect it. When you look into your heart, when you flip through the photo albums, and when you find another tiny Spongebob sock mate under the couch and hold it up like newborn Simba from The Lion King because you’ve been looking for it for the past 6 months. And because having a complete set of kid socks gives you an even better high than buying that new handbag. Kind of.

6 – What I’m getting at is that when your stepdaughter proclaims loudly that your sad pile of savory homemade granola is absolutely delicious to her – even though we both know it’s not super delicious, you will realize that everyone around you is making just as many accommodations in this new life together as you are. And that it’s all based on genuine love and willingness to form a life together as a family. Even if it does not mean that I’m guaranteed to have a wonderful granola recipe to share with you today.

Your Healthiest Life: I am absolutely floored at the amount of value children add to my life daily, but it can be overwhelming also. I prefer yoga, running, Netflix, and humor to help guide me through such phases in life. Exercise really does help tremendously in stress relief.

QUESTION: How do you juggle any new challenges that have been thrown your way recently? And do you have a good savory granola recipe you’d be willing to share? I’ll pay you for it.