#1 Getting something in my eye

Ever since I can remember my eyes have been prone to mysterious projectile objects flying through the air and landing dead-smack into them. When I was in high school, I almost had to wear an eye patch to my first dance because I got a chip of paint embedded into my cornea from shooting a basketball in gym earlier that day. Who else would have such a random story?

#1 Bright Side

Having eyes. I love being able to see, etcetera – but functioning lashes would be a plus.

#2 Clothing that must be ironed

I am not (and will never be) that person with nicely-pressed clothing. Maybe I’m just a rebel, but something about the idea seems outdated, like if I ironed something I may also be forced to wear L’Eggs “suntan” stockings with my ensemble. So instead, I just skip all that jazz and go straight for the cotton tees and jeans, or gauzy dresses that are supposed to look cool wrinkly. Problem solved.

#2 Bright Side

Owning clothing. Iron or not, I am happy to have the luxury of a clean, functioning wardrobe.

#3 Sentimental Gifts from Businesses

I love a good gift. But part of the joy is in receiving it from someone near and dear – it totally adds to the experience. Elaborate birthday cards from the dentist and special-delivery cookies from some dreamy new online service just seem odd to me. I once got a bouquet of flowers from a car dealership after they put me into a shiny sedan. They were delivered to my desk at work. I was single at the time, my imagination running wild wondering what romantic person would have thought of such a lovely thing when…doh. Just Lavender Valley Nissan wishing me a pleasant new financing journey, and a reminder to get an extended warranty. Not a good look.

#3 Bright Side

Gifts are wonderful gestures, period. I am honestly grateful for any and all of them, I just prefer being an actual friend of the giver is all.

#4 Green Arrow Hoggers

Dude. You have no idea how quickly I change from a giving, loving, earthy yogi into that scary kid from The Exorcist the second someone hesitates to floor the gas pedal when the traffic light gives left turners permission to go. The way I see it is, we’re all in this together. We all have approximately one millionth of a split second to herd as many cars into The Promised Land (aka the street to the left) as possible. This is like Special Forces training as far I’m concerned: let’s do this and let’s do it fast. When a driver in front of me fails to see things from my twisted and bizarre perspective, I must breathe deeply and pop my gum to get through the moment.

#4 Bright Side

Having a car. And the ability to drive. And a license. All which are wonderful advantages not to be taken lightly. I like to remind myself of these facts while breathing deeply and waiting at the light.

#5 Airbrushed Knees

This whole new airbrushing thing sweeping the world is quite interesting. I’ve noticed more and more the women in magazines and advertisements becoming cartoon-like. I could almost deal with this – but it totally got my goat when I started noticing my fellow women’s knees disappearing. Seriously? Since when did major joints needed in order to move our bodies become faux pas? Next thing you know, having knuckles and earlobes will be considered “so last year”.

#5 Bright Side

I love my knees.

All of which leads me to these delicious granola bars. Let me know if you find the tie-in.

Your Healthiest Life: I used to think that being positive and upbeat 24/7 was the best way to live my life, but then after a while, I kind of felt like I wasn’t giving myself permission to be human and experience the lovely range of emotions we were all blessed with. Not all may agree, but I think a fun, healthy vent every now and again is necessary to keep us balanced and whole. I just like to reign things in by reminding myself of the humorous or positive side of the rant to keep things in perspective.

QUESTION: Do you have any pet peeves?